Don't change a thing for me

INXS elimination night 8/24! Hi INXS (still minus Garry Garry)! Hi Dave ‘what’s up baby birds’ Navarro! Hi Brooke Burke! Nice to see you own a jacket with sleeves and can use a placemat as a skirt! They summarize last night: Suzie rocked out and flopped into the audience, J!D! did Foreigner no favors, Deanna had Ty check her homework, Ty’s ‘Proud Mary’ ‘brought down the house’, Mig finally stood up for himself (and it worked), Manic Marty was back, and Jordis made funny noises which caused Dave to raise both waxed eyebrows. After the contestants got back to the House of Liquor and Vegetables, Jordis said she thought she butchered ‘Dream On,’ Marty doesn’t want to stop screaming and start singing, Deanna thinks INXS say the same things (‘staying in her comfort zone’) about her every week, Jordis worries about being in the bottom three, Ty thinks ‘some people’ did not do their best this week (Ty himself excluded, natch), and Suzie thinks this week, anything goes.

Yes, anything (scripted) can happen (after a season’s planning) on RockStar:INXS (no one talk about Michael Hutchence). But first who gets the encore? Everyone but Mig and Jordis think they deserve to do the encore. Ty thought last night really felt like a show and not a competition so he should get the nod. Deanna is really proud of the song she wrote. Mig is also proud of his song, but he thinks other people were more deserving. He’s going to get nowhere with that passive attitude. B-E aggressive, Mig! Dave thought the encore performer last night went above and beyond anything they had seen them do before. It’s….Toronto’s own Suzie McNeil! She’s plenty surprised and gets big hugs from camera hogging J!D! She goes through ‘Start Me Up’ again and seems to really enjoy herself, flirting with the house band guitarists, and again, does a swan flop into the audience. Luckily, they opt to catch her again.

But tonight is all about elimination! It’s about who gets dumped! Who gets flushed! Who came in Number Two! I am five! But who will be let go? Back to more footage (padding) from the Rock Haüs. Mig couldn’t stop smiling, Deanna was upset by INXS’s comments (‘how comfortable is it to sing Power Rock?’) and thinks maybe she’s just not right for the band. Marty doesn’t want to turn it down, he wants to turn it up and thinks the kids (of which he is SO not one) want singers like himself. He should tell that to the veins that pop out of his face every time he does the screamy thing. Suzie notes that you can do your ‘thing’ very well but you have to be able to do INXS. Mig noticed Jordis being very quiet. She thought she sucked and threatens to jump off the roof into the pool. No. Stop. Don’t. J!D! thinks on the sunny side - she got to crash and burn in front of fifty million people! – and thinks she should suck it up. J!D! also has the inability to wear a hat straight on his head. A swelling problem, perhaps? Ty is very interested in who the bottom three are. Suzie thought she did well but may still be in the bottom three because she ‘rules’ the bottom three. Jordis predicts she ‘definitely’ will be in the bottom three.

Brooke wants more info. Why does Marty want to defy INXS’s advice to ‘turn it down’? Because he listens to INXS’s advice but now after three weeks of ‘sitting down songs’ he wants to meet the band halfway and wants to show off his showmanship. Doesn’t make any more sense to me. I must be missing something because Dave agrees with Marty. Then Tim Farriss says that this has actually been a test for Marty and he’s passed it; they’re happy to have him listen to them but then meet them halfway. How about Deanna, how’s she feeling? She feels that with coming up with an original song, arranging it, rehearsing it, (Ty is in the same shot) performing it, all adds up to a not-comfortable area. Dave agrees that you have to stay true to who you are because one of you is going to be INXS’s lead singer and the rest of you will be back to the drawing board (OK, he just thought that last part to himself). J!D! You have been on ‘a mission’ to front INXS, what do you think it’s going to take to become their new singer? Unhumble monkey boy says, like Marty, it’s about meeting them halfway. Some people are better at this, some people do better at other things. Also air is breathable and water is wet. Dave calls J!D! controversial (J!D! does the best wounded monkey face whenever anyone says anything against him) but thinks his voice is well suited to the INXS back catalogue. Mig appears unconcerned. J!D! kisses INXS’s ass and claims they are why he’s a singer/songwriter today.

Brooke calls Suzie ‘Queen of the Bottom Three.’ Suzie is so into being the ‘Queen of the Bottom Three’ that she has customized a hat saying just that for her to wear when her name does get called. Dave says that he can’t believe she’s ever been in the bottom three with her strong voice and says he will wear her hat if she gets called tonight. Andrew Farriss gives respect to all the contestants. Jordis, was this the time to take such a big risk (sucking)? She didn’t realize it was a risk until after rehearsal, but she went for it and probably would do it again. She also believes she deserves to be in the bottom three tonight. Dave says it was her worst performance ever but at least she showed she has guts. Jon Farriss says she just had a bad night and if she sings tonight he won’t be complaining.

Plaintive piano of disappointment starts playing. Last night’s bottom three at the end of the show were Deanna, Ty, and Jordis. But it changed over the night so now J!D!, Marty, and Mig have to stand as well. Note who is left seated – the Queen o’the Bottom 3. Suzie is feeling really good about this and so is Dave (he won’t have to wear the hat now). To the stage goes Ty (Dave doesn’t understand why and neither do INXS) and he has to do ‘What You Need.’ It’s a bouncy upbeat number. Sing Ty, sing. He also has mastered the stomp to-and-fro stage move, very impressive, Grasshopper. He does sound a little strained at some of the high notes. J!D! and Suzie seem to be the only contestants really enjoying him. Afterward, Ty says there’s something about INXS’s music that makes you want to dance and sing and that vibrates him and he can’t sit still and maybe next time more (stupid tone deaf) people will realize that he should be INXS’s new lead singer. Ty knows he’s supposed to be here so he doesn’t have to talk about it. After talking about it.

Two names left! Now Deanna has to take the stage. She gets to sing ‘Elegantly Wasted’. It is also upbeat, maybe a tinge funkier. She doesn’t sound very good in the beginning of the song or the middle either. So…much…cornbread! I’m swimming in it! Not a really great song to show off one’s voice to. I also must put a moratorium on the ladies grabbing at their special place whilst singing. Thanks! How does Deanna feel about doing INXS songs? She loves their songs because she loves to rock hard and dance. And by dance she means clutching at her cooter while bouncing up and down.

Who’s up last? After a fake out (J!D! is safe, Mig is safe), she calls up Marty. Jordis looks stunned. Dave says this is a crime. Jon asks him to sing ‘Don’t Change,’ a very up-tempo straightforward rock song. Consciously or not, he’s singing it with an accent like the dead-guy-we-do-not-name. Throughout the song he’s doing the Marty thing (not singing in tune) especially on the last chorus. He also opens his mouth so big it’s like another smaller version of his teeth is going to pop out and hiss at us ála ‘Alien’. Marty claims post performance that singing an INXS song made him feel very powerful (being part ‘Alien’ does too). He originally got their ‘Greatest Hits’ to learn how to write songs and learn and now he hopes to be around a lot longer. Dave says that watching him learn is ‘really teaching us. Rad!’

Cue piano! Time for elimination! Tim gets the chore this week and as usual, says how this is ‘really difficult.’ They have the best seven singers for their band and it’s not such a bad thing to be in the bottom three anymore because eventually they are going to want to hear them all sing INXS songs. So who’s it this week? Not Manic Marty, they were scared of his double-jaw ‘Alien’ thing. Ty or Deanna? Deanna, you’re just too female and full of cornbread to be in the band INXS. Dave says this is Black Wednesday from now on and she and her comfort zone are amazing. Anything to say to the band? She surprisingly admits she watches a lot of reality TV and always sees people getting kicked off and you don’t think about them. But now she realizes that they are real people and this is really hard and she wanted to be INXS’s new singer, but thanks them for the opportunity. She’s crying and so are Mig, Jordis, Ty, and Suzie.

What will happen next week? Who will get booted? How many more reasons do you need to hate J!D! Fortune!? Until then I’ll be teaching you all by learning. Rad!