Saturday, February 24, 2007

Haiku Movie Reviews


Captain Nemo's sub
Battles a giant squid but
Architeuthis ducks

Stolen car and boy!
Did the black teen do it? No!
Damn crazy white bitch!

Drinking and cursing
And no lessons learned? That's some
Good entertainment!

Lunatic rapes. kills
Sells human meat buns, and worse -
He cheats at mah-jongg!

TITANIC (German, 1943)
So whose fault was it?
The iceberg? Too few lifeboats?
Nein! Blame Great Britain!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Entertainment News

Heather Mills To Join 'Dancing With The Stars'?

LOS ANGELES (February 13, 2007) -- She still may be in immersed in a heated divorce battle with Paul McCartney, but hopefully Heather Mills still has her dancing shoes. According to reports, Heather, 38, has signed on for the upcoming season of ABC's "Dancing With the Stars." She will reportedly donate earnings from the show to an animal welfare charity.
Other names rumored to be joining this year's show include Billy Ray Cyrus, Joey Fatone, Danica McKellar, Ian Ziering and Laila Ali. In 1993, Heather lost the lower part of her left leg after being hit by a police motorcycle.

Dang, that would mean I'd have to watch DANCING WITH THE STARS. Oh, the shame.

And while I'm on the subject, I was wondering about Heather Mills's charges of physical abuse by Sir Beatle Paul. I admit there is very very much that I don't know about married life or divorce or Sir Paul's dark side, so I'm not going to question her allegations of pushing, hitting, or stabbing by her ex. But her claim that Sir Paul would not let her have an antique bedpan in their bedroom is impossible for me to believe. Does she not use crutches when her prosthetic leg is off? Or couldn't she use a walker? Or a 24-carat gold wheelchair with Cruelty-Free diamond detailing? And how big is their residence that there isn't a bathroom within crutching distance to the master bedroom? When I marry a man with a million-billion-grillion dollars, I will have a rotating pack of hypoallergenic Grand Pyreneeses on-call 24/7 ready to whisk me delightfully and slobberingly from expensively-furnished room to expensively-furnished room. That's just how I roll.