OK, it’s official; I am taking myself out of the dating ads for now. I’ve dated two guys in the past month that I met through a dating web site and they both turned out to be losers. I approached both first, so I don’t know if this is some screwy Rules-type proof that I should just sit back and wait to be approached. Though I was just looking around the dating site today and I got a message from another member. It was pretty obvious that he hadn’t read my profile because I am eleven years older than his cutoff age, two inches over his cutoff height, he’s in Iraq right now (I want to date people within only five miles of where I live) and he said I was ‘gorgoues’. And that’s not so bad, considering what else is out there. I saw another profile of someone just looking for ‘play’ and he said something about wanting to see ‘your cute but’ in his bed. Yeah. One ‘t’. Call me a snob, but I swear I will never let someone see anything of mine that they can’t spell correctly. In my ad I tried to spell correctly and honest about my height, weight, age and the fact that I’m going to lose my leg soon. That last fact alone is usually enough to scare many a boy away, so I always kind of wonder about the ones that answer back really fast. In fact, after the first guy I went out with I had to change my profile because he thought I was ‘kidding’ about losing my leg.
The first guy I dated I'll call 'John'. He showed up late (up to 45 minutes!) on all three dates we went on. He was also pathologically shy, to the point that I had to ask all the questions and answer more than a few of them myself. And I’m sure I didn’t help things by drinking too much on one date only to come home and throw up all over the floor. And no, he did not hold back my hair. Finally I realized that this was not going to work but before I could call him, he sent me an email. Among other things he said that he had neither the ‘force’ nor the ‘capacity’ to be in a relationship with anyone right now. Then he said although he found me physically attractive, the only way he could sleep with me (or anyone) right now was if he got completely blind drunk. Ah. Good to know.
The second guy Peter seemed much better. He was friendly and flirty in emails we sent to and fro and was a photographer to boot. We also had a really nice long phone call, and I’m not much of a phone person. I was really looking forward to meeting him. So when he shows up (Late! Am I the last prompt person on the planet??) he apologizes for being late, admitting he was out in Brooklyn helping a friend move. Pause…‘actually I was helping my wife move’. Turns out he’s not technically single, only just now separated from his wife of twenty (he’s 40) years. Fine. So we have drinks and talk and get along really well. Then he leans over, holds my hand and kisses me on the mouth. Cute. Soon he has to go home (an early photo call the next day) so he walks me back to my house and gives me another kiss. Sweet. The next day, right after I learn that my friend Rick had died (and that I was one of the last two people to see him alive), he gives me a call. Turns out he thinks things have 'gone too far' between us and after a lot of thought, he realizes he’s not ready to date yet. Timing is indeed everything and much sobbing followed.
So enough of all that. For now on, my cute 'but' will be staying home.